you lose someone or something very important to you? Are you hardly
able to believe that it happened? Are you intensely preoccupied
with this loss? Do you feel sad, depressed, or irritable? Do you
watch yourself wandering aimlessly, forget things, or dont
finish what you have started? Do you feel guilty, self-critical,
or angry? Does your mood change over the slightest things? Is your
these experiences can be facets of grief. Grieving is a natural
response to a loss. In fact, it is a healing process, like the way
a fever brings healing to the body. It is possible to support this
process. Here are some "medicines":
gentle with yourself.
Treat yourself as if you were your own best friend, with compassion.
It might help to imagine the pain inside you as the pain of a
little helpless infant that you are holding tenderly. Stop thoughts
of judgment about yourself. Take one step at a time.
unrealistic goals and expectations.
This is not the time to strive for high goals. Your task right
now is to heal from your loss. Do the best you can to fulfill
unavoidable obligations, and leave it at that. Give yourself time
enough for healing. "Enough" is different for everybody.
Trust your own judgement about it.
true to yourself.
Let yourself cry and feel the depth of your pain when it comes
up. Imagine that you are being held and supported by a real or
imaginary loving friend or mentor while you are feeling the pain.
If you lost somebody through death, write "letters"
to your deceased love one, or write in a journal. It is also healing
to draw or paint pictures that express your grief.
a regular schedule. Keeping or creating structure in your
life helps you to feel emotionally safe. Planning ahead supports
stability. At the same time, give yourself the freedom to change
your plans or schedule when your mood shifts. Prepare others that
this might happen and ask them to consider this as your special
time for healing.
your bodys need for nutrition, rest, and exercise. You
might forget about your physical needs when you grieve. This can
lead to avoidable emotional suffering and intensify your depressed
mood. You might need to push yourself a little to take care of
supportive friends, a grief counselor, a support
group in your area, or on the internet (griefnet)
and read a book
about grief. You
might feel isolated with your grief because nobody around you
really understands what you are going through. You might find
that different friends are available now, compared to those in
times of happiness. It is very important to share your feelings
honestly with people you trust. Feeling understood by empathetic
listeners has great healing power.